There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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