After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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