theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
