Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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