i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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