Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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