HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
