I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
