His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Banned from zoo.
Again?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
