listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
3pm strippers are depressing
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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