I met the friendliest cop last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
