Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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