i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
a search helicopter?!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
