new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
