this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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