She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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