i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
