I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize