She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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