Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize