his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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