Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
