She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everything about him screamed your future.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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