if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
