I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
