I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize