hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
