You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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