well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When are your genitals available?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
