So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
