my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
