I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
