Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
