He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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