she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
