your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
