its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
