he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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