He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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