I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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