I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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