so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
