This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize