I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
