Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
