I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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