You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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