I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize