True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
