They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
