we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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