So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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