i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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