Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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