You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
