I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
