Sry I called you an 8
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
