I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
