I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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