your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
