It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
