Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my shit smells like andre
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
