I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
