So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
