You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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