Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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