Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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