I bet he comes in French.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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