Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
