it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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