Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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