perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
