I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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