well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
