I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
