Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
