I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
