im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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