I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
