my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
