you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
