Will you blow on my dice?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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