I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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