You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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