You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize