dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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