you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Randomize
