i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
