hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
