You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
