By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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