who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were trust falling into bushes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
