Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
