As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
