he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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