So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
