I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
