Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
