he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
