they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize