When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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