I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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