im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
