The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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