Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
