i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
