I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize