How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My cat gives me a boner
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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