our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
