I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
