I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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