I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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