So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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