I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
