the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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