i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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