mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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